If My Mother Wrote Haiku

This man paints auras.
Here’s mine. Danny Aiello?
You’re just not psychic.

Went to Paula Deen’s!

All butter chicken pot pie!

She is fabulous!

The remote won’t work.

It works if I press “cable”?

I’ll buy a new one.

How does my phone work?

Scroll through the whole alphabet.

To find “S” for “Son”.

My son has left me.

He’s married and now he’s gone.

You’ll never leave me.

Extreme Couponing.

Fifty cans of soup, three cents.

This show is magic.

Have you heard this yet?

She is just so amazing!

Even Simon says.

Where is your makeup?

You would leave the house like that?

I raised you better.

Found them in a house.

No one wanted them but me.

People are such fools.

Doctor gave me pills.

“They’ll make you happy,” he said.

They should come with wine.

This is my mother Rosemary. She is a lovely Italian-American woman with a flair for the dramatic. Rosemary is fond of making grand pronouncements such as, "Chewing gum will choke and kill you," or "If you pick at that mole it will turn into cancer." As the artistic one (read: chronically unemployed) of my siblings I felt that my mothers insights might make for some special haiku.